Looking up, the sky is a static blue with motionless clouds and looking forward reveals jaggy buildings and stiff animations.
While Barbie, her horse, and Theresa look alright, the rest of the game is lackluster. Unfortunately, I’m not ( but oh how I’ve dreamed… :-().Įven at 45, Barbie still looks good! Sadly though, the animators of this game didn’t do such a good job with her.
If I were the seven-year-old girl that this game was marketed to, I really could get into this game and make it last for several hours at the least. You can visit every area after you beat the game, and you can also change Barbie’s clothes for added fun when you’re bored. I dominated Barbie and her horse adventures in less than forty-five minutes.
Unfortunately, you cannot shove your carrot down Barbie’s throat, no matter how bad you feel for her.įinding Lucky takes no time at all. I fed my prized horse Ruby an apple and a sugar cube, and upon looking at Barbie’s trim figure, it was apparent that Barbie hadn’t eaten that much herself. You can brush your horse, pick a name for it, and even choose the color of its saddle. The actual horses come into play since you ride them around to the different mini-games, but they’re mostly there for decorating. While there are certainly horses to be found in this title, it’s really more of a collection of mini-games, like a Bejeweled clone and herding goats into corrals. The dirty old man in the woods employs Barbie to help him find wood for a bridge that’s out, and in exchange tells her that he saw Lucky go across the bridge that apparently wasn’t broken twenty minutes beforehand.īarbie’s Horse Adventures really isn’t what it seems. The entire premise of this game stems around from helping out other people, in the hopes that they’ll return the favor and help you. These additional items include a metal detector that’s used to find clues on the ground and a slingshot that’s Barbie employs to get out of reach items.īarbie’s Horse Adventures is a great game for little girls, because it teaches them a valuable lesson: if you go up to strange old men in the woods and you're all by yourself, they’re going to want to help you, especially if you’re a leggy blonde. She generously gives Barbie a walky-talky, so she can keep in touch with her at all times and assist her with clues, and a saddle-bag with extra doodads to help her find additional clues. Lucky, the prized race horse owned by Theresa, has been stolen! Instead of not being a lazy bitch and looking for her ****ing horse herself, Theresa decides to send Barbie instead. However, a Google search only shows Barbie’s Horse Adventures as a game, so as of press time, this name is an untapped resource just waiting to be utilized. Alternately, a guy named Steve could use the name for a pay-for-porn site and charge people to watch hot blondes get it on with our equestrian friends. Maybe Mattel could make it into a set of dolls for all the little kids.
#BARBIE HORSE ADVENTURES SERIES#
They could turn it into the title for a movie, or perhaps a series of books. The title Barbie’s Horse Adventures could fit way more than a video game. However, a Google search only shows Barbie’s Horse Adventures as a game, so as of press t." "The title Barbie’s Horse Adventures could fit way more than a video game. Barbie Horse Adventures: Mystery Ride (PC) review